image image imageI hate to hear her called fat. I don’t even like to hear her called chubby. Not just because she’s my daughter and at 8 months old, I believe she’s pretty perfect, but also those words have such an awful feel to them.. And yet we’ve been hearing since about 4months that she’s a fat,fat baby. A cute lil rollie pollie. Chubby sweetie. People have asked what I’m feeding her,and I’ve even been told to stop feeding her( joking of course) I know these comments do not hurt her…yet. And I’m sure that these people are not being mean spirited, but it still irks me . I recently read a blog about a moms realization that while she sees her little girl as perfect,someday, someone will ruin her daughter’s self esteem. Someone will tease her someday. Someone will make an offhand remark that leaves that little girl doubting herself. The author finishes with her realization that she is the jerk who will introduce self doubt to her daughter by her grumbling about her own body. By the poking,prodding and fluffing that we women do in the mirror to see  what we would look like with a tummy tuck, nose job or an eye brow lift.The author vowed to try not to be the jerk that ruins her daughter. That resonated with me. I have always struggled with my body image. But  I have recently begun to make a  consious effort to be more content with me. I am not my weight or my dress size.Why do we measure people so stupidly? What about a persons heart? Or how smart someone is? I would rather have an overweight friend who is nice to me than a snarky skinny friend who is mean. I want a smart Dr. I don’t care what size they are,they just need to know things!  This is what I want to instill in my daughter. I want her to be a nice person. A smart girl with a good heart. I love her and I want to teach her to love herself for all the right reasons. It’s  what I want for all my kids. I also want them to know what qualities to look for in people,especially their spouses. But I can’t help but feel that’s it’s so much harder for girls.

She is not chubby,she is not fat. She is Gods beautiful, perfect creation and she is only 8months old.

I’m doing it wrong

As I nurse my 5mo old baby girl to sleep (for the second time) at 11:00 pm I am reminded that I am doing it wrong. You see, we are told that babies are NEVER to nurse to sleep.You also can not rock,walk,sing,swing,sway,shush or anything else that might comfort your little one. We are supposed to put them down at a specific time,while awake, and allow them to work it out on their own,to cry it out,self soothe. My baby can not talk or walk,she is seemingly, quite an incapable human being and so I find it hard to believe that she can just figure things out on her own or live by a strict schedule. What she might be able to determine though, is that she can not trust me to come when she calls or feed her when she’s hungry, that I do not always meet her needs. My heart breaks to think of her alone in bed knowing that crying is pointless because no one will appear to make her warm or dry or feed her. And so I do it wrong. I respond whenever she cries. We have no schedule, she sleeps when she’s tired and eats when she’s hungry. I have done it twice before and managed to raise two very bright,kind, well-adjusted young men, so I have confidence in our “method”. But it’s not just for the baby that I do this though. I have my own selfish reasons. I know how fast this time will fly by,so I cherish every snuggle,every feed,every inch of her and every minute I have to hold her. I delight in being her hero. I can comfort her right now and that feels awesome. I love the way her face lights up when she sees me because she knows I’m here to make it all better. So I think I will just keep right on doing it wrong…. And loving it:)